TW^2: A cry for help, again!

OMG our lives still continues on. And we can't shake this "Truman show" or "You're the one" matrix effect. This can't be real. It has to be a dream. But that is the most traumatizing damaging belief to ever have. To truly believe whole heartily your mom, dad, brother, sister, best friends, pets and everything is a big lie, fake, not real, just a dream, and I'm truly 100% alone. So most of chose to believe in the truman show effect or you're the one.

People say it's just psychosis, schizoaffective disorder. But it's so different. So much deeper. It's not fear based. It's rooted 100% in logic and analysis. Close to 10,000 photos and videos I've never once seen a contradiction. What I see in person also matches what my videos and images show. My reality is consistent. We hear voices but they claim to be alters. That's all. I have no problems with that. What I have problems with is certain people, the way they look at me, like you can't believe. How they pick me out of a crowd. Their gestures. For example, while walking down a blvd an Asian man was standing in a parking lot, doing nothing but staring at me, as I got closer he moved his hand up to his eyes and with two fingers pointed at his eyes and gave me a deep stare in strong body language saying "I'm watching you!" Why? I never met him. It was in a good area. He was well dressed. I do have to say his complexion was abnormally perfect. It stood out like crazy. I've never seen anyone like that. It's hard to imagine until you really see it but it was like flawless complexion of a baby on an adult male.

Anyway we could write volumes of books on similar experiences. We wonder, and we wait. It's crazy, but every day we just hope someone would break the silence and just tell us what is going one. Who Are We?!!! Enough is enough! A life of memories tells us without any doubt we are 100% positive and have sheer soul desire to help the world. Something it seems we were born with. But yet I've lost count of people who don't know I/us and who have no reason to say it, but they've called us the Anti-Christ, Satan. So many times, you can't believe while walking a hiking trail then all of sudden a stranger comes from behind and literally starts making the creepiest noises, like something you hear out of the Exorcists movie. I swear to god! And complete strangers on the street saying out right crazy things as they walk by! Some saying, "Your lease is almost over!" WTF are they talking about?

And then on rare occasion we'll get someone who's the complete opposite. Who will give us the biggest friendliest smile that is so awkward and I'll turn my head as they walk past and their head is turned back and it's just so weird, but yet so nice. It's like they're an angel from heaven.

And then people calling us Michael. Lol okay so our middle name is Michael but we don't tell people that, until now, but ... how do they know, and why call us that. I'm not Archangel Michael LOL!

I swear we are so over this life. We were literally tortured as an infant. My dad tells me he used to put that yellow caution tape surrounding my baby crib. Any every time we have a flashback memory of the person who tortured us as an infant we've had what our psychiatrist said are non epileptic seizures, lasting 15 to 20 minutes.

Anyway I'm tired of this. Sometimes we wonder if we're enslaved by some parasite entity who feeds off of our pain, who creates our world, a dream-like world.

It's horrible! Enough is enough. And Every Freaking Time One Of Us Tries To End Our Life An Alter Takes Over And Ends Our Plan!

Okay this is too much. Just wishing these people on the streets or someone out there would just tell us what is happening. At least say something more than our lease is almost over. Like, wth are you talking about!

A cry for help, again!

I don’t have full DID but I do have strong dissociative tendencies and I’m sorry youre struggling so much right now. If 8’ve learned anything about mental health and conditions it has times it’s worse and times it’s more manageable. Just hang on and keep looking for ways to cope, ways to ground yourself, ways to meaningfully connect with others (like on here!) and make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
With the dissociations my doc had me start tracking three times a day what I’m doing and what I’m feeling just to have some anchor points. Maybe set an alarm so you can do something like that and see if it helps a little to put a little organization to the chaos and make things easier to figure out in hindsight?
Hang in there. How are you doing now?

I for one am glad to see you're okay. You have a way of peering into people's souls and many of us believe you would make an amazing therapist if that's what you wanted. Or maybe the author of some amazing books, your life story.

Well you're a brave soul ahead of time. .. Yeah we're hanging in there, thanks.

It seems we've become the dog whisperers at this airbnb. The home owner's sister has 3 big intimidating dogs who like to bark all day and there are a lot of people who live here, some sleeping so we get text messages all the time asking me (us) to shut them up but the dogs don't want to. And on wednesday it's our job to baby sit them in the villa but it hurts our ears because all 3 barking constantly but we get paid $50 per month for that.

We woke up today saying one day closer to

and we or at least I am getting very happy. No more earth human stress. Someone created a wallpaper for our computer that has the earth with big letters that says Never Again! And that is so true. None of us are ever ever ever ever coming back to earth again. I feel that we came to earth to help but we were tortured as an infant which was an avalanche leading to severe bullying and we never recovered.

Anyhow it doesn't matter. Earth is a mess. Humans are working hard to kill the living planet, wipe out species, global pollution, and they are constantly at war with each other. I'm body is getting a bad headache so we will come back to do nothing again and write more letters to ourselves.

40 days left until we are FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Constant noise like that is so stressful. At my hospital they were always slamming doors especially around bedtime for doing chores and stuff and I couldn’t handle it many nights.

I agree Earth is a mess. I want to believe people are good, but when all the bad apples are in power and putting in so much effort in abusing that power it’s easy for people to believe humanity is fked. I don’t know who is on their last straw these days and I know holidays can be so stressful so it’s really important for us to be kind to one another and prove not all good is lost. I hope someone can do that for you today, and I hope you can do that for someone as well in whatever way, big or small, you can.

Keep hanging in there and do what you can to take care of you.

Sorry to whomever that may offend. We don’t know which alter made that but we are sorry