Therapist Qualifications

I don't think a therapist should be anybody who can nod and say, "I understand. It'll get better. You'll be alright."

I think all therapists should be people who have gone through exactly what you have gone through. No life experience, no license; if they can't relate to us, why should we pay them for advice?

I don't want someone to say, "It'll get better." I want someone to say, "This is what you and I will do to make it better."

I don't want someone to say, "Looks like that's all the time we have." I want someone to say, "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

I don't want someone sitting there, anxious to go shopping with the money I give. I want a therapist who is struggling with the same issues I am. A therapist who doesn't want to live sometimes. Otherwise there is no point in talking. There is no value in their opinion if they just want to rush me out the door. I want someone who knows what darkness is like. Because it has been almost 40 years and it's not getting better. To tell me it will is not listening to me; it's discounting my opinion, which is actually unprofessional.

We should just end all therapy. Call those people Trauma Buddies or something instead. Get rid of the stereotypical "I understand" when they freaking don't, and replace it with, "I've been where you are." Get rid of the "You don't have a problem" and replace it with, "I feel you."

There is no point, no justice, in paying someone thousands of dollars to hear empty platitudes.

@StayComma

Very well said, I agree.

Have you looked into peer support at all?

And you yourself, could at some point be a peer supporter, too. You bring a lot of perspective.

I try helping others where I can. It's funny, they post about wanting friends and people to talk to, and I talk and get nothing back. Which is not funny ha-ha. Peer support though, there's nothing local. I joined a "Make New Friends" group and so far it's been completely uneventful.

Here are some online group meetings which will perhaps help and allow you to feel a little more connected to others:

Online Support Groups - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

The above is put on in conjunction with HeyPeers! Online peer support. Contact them if you want a peer supporter or to perhaps become one yourself.
This is the link: Human Verification

You can also look up: online support groups for lonely people
Or: free online zoom support groups

I don’t think it’s realistic to expect therapists to have exact same issues as you. There are so many issues that people go to therapy for, how is it possible to make sure to match every client with a therapist who has exact same problems? It’s not possible. For example, to quote you, how would you find a therapist who doesn’t want to live? Would you ask them that before signing up? How realistic is it?

If therapy does not work for you, it’s ok to look for other resources. But I don’t think it’s fair to end all therapy because many people like it and benefit from it. Why do you want to take it away from people who like it?

I am not sure therapists work so they can just go shopping. As the rest of us they mostly work so they can pay bills and eat and feed their children and have a roof above their head.

What else did you try if therapy doesn’t work?

Personally speaking, I've had three really horrible therapists that made me not bother going back to therapy. But the (nearly literal) nail in the coffin was the one who actually fell asleep during all our sessions. I was so angry with her, but couldn't even figure out what to say or do, because I was being forced to go there. So as soon as she fell asleep, I'd get up silently and move things around in her office. After four months of that crap, I was finally able to stop seeing her, but fell into a horrible depression over not feeling heard by anyone...

I truly understand what you mean about wanting someone who understands where you're coming from.

The only qualification for be a therapist is patience. If you have enough patience, you're in business. (Did I spell that right?)

I swear by therapy, Been going for 30 some years, originally to save my marriage(didnt work). After a bad accident I have been going regularly for 19 years. When you go long enough to dont have to explain. I generally ask questions to my shrink. Did I do this right? If this happens again what should I do? stuff like that.

I don't expect that of therapists. What I mean is, I wish therapy and therapists did not exist. Instead, get help from somebody who does share your experience, who is actually qualified to talk about it. Therapy for me is not sitting in a room talking to a wall, it's whatever gives you peace: Being around animals, sitting in a forest for a couple of hours, family time, trying something new and exciting.

Maybe it's a pipedream. But it's nice to think about.

Part of that sounds like a good friend. But what ever your struggles are, maybe a social media group locally? Or form one on your own? It sure cant hurt to try.

I did try. No one joined, so I deleted it. Joined a social media group, too, designed to help you make friends, and it's pretty dead. Tell you a secret; the moderators are boring. There's no group activities.