Couch 252a: Kitties and Hawks, continued

This thread needed to be "restarted" for technical reasons.

Hi.

How are you, LT? Keeping you on my mind.

Seems quiet around here.

Things went spectacularly wrong with the new therapist referred to me by my beloved ex-therapist of ten years, who I had to stop seeing for insurance reasons. Anyway, the new therapist and I had a rupture that could not be resolved satisfactorily and I opted for termination. It sucks, but it was the right thing for me. She provided me with three referrals, as she should, but none of them are in-network with my insurance. Great! I cannot afford out-of-network providers! That's how I ended up in this whole entire dumb situation!

So now I'm searching on my own. Contemplating reaching out to old therapist to request more referrals, but worried about re-opening that wound. I still have so much painful grief over having to end with him.

Hi Scarlet, thanks for checking in and letting me know you're thinking of me. Been very stressed with surgery coming up Thursday.

It doesn't help that we've now had to have plumbers (and now a county work crew) out to our house like 4 times in the past 5 days due to a drainage issue out back. At first, they thought it was a blockage and had cleaned ti out. But now they're thinking it's a cracked pipe behind the house--we're unsure whether it's technically our property (and we'd be responsible--ugh), the homeowner's association property (they'd be responsible but tend to take forever to do things), or county property, in which case they'd handle it (they've been out here most of today trying to diagnose).

It's just another stressor that I don't need right now! And I'm afraid they're going to end up fixing it the day before or morning of my surgery, and we won't have water (I have to shower that morning, so guess I'd have to go to an in-law's house at 6 am or earlier...).

Dr. T had been very supportive, but he just seemed weird about things yesterday. Seeing him tomorrow (scheduled before things felt weird), so hopefully I can feel better about the relationship then. H has generally been supportive, but I feel he's kinda frustrated with me today.

Probably sorry you asked! How are you doing?

Oof. You’ve really got your plate full. I hope the pipe problem is the county’s problem! And I hope Dr. T was just having an off day. Thursday, I will make sure to keep you in my mind and heart. I hope it goes smoothly and everything works out! I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but it must be so hard. I’m always checking in around here, just slow to get my mind together sometimes.

I think the major thing with me is that H finally filled out the paperwork for the fertility clinic and I have an appointment for next month. I’m full of so many emotions that I’ve been so overwhelmed. I’m scared because this will take a lot from me, but excited because this is my dream. I had to do some cancer labs because of an ovarian cyst. My inhibin b came back normal. And supposedly it also mean that I still have an egg reserve. Not large, but average for a 43 year old non perimenopause. So that’s good.

We’re also getting a new puppy on Nov 3rd! I don’t know what I’m getting myself into: new puppy and possibly trying for a baby.

I’m also need to figure out possible dental insurance because I’m going to go forward with my denture snap-on implants.

So nothing bad per se for me. Just big significant changes.

I’ve been in Greece and not logging on.

But I wanted to let you all know tyat on the flight back I watched a movie, “Definition, Please.” The main character was a former National Spelling Bee champion, now an adult, so periodically to express her POV, fancy words and their definitions would flash on screen.

One of which was “callipygian.” You learned it here first!

Hi, @@!! Well, i am less callipygian than i used to be! Ive lost 30 lbs on ozempic since june-ish.

Great to hear from you, sweatie!

Sweatie? How’d you know I just got back from the gym?

You’re gonna be stenopygian soon! (= skinny butted)

Whew! I thought it meant i was gonna have to start taking dictation!

Thinking of you LT. I know your surgery is coming up soon.

Thanks, Lost! It's later this morning. Will update when I can.

I can't take credit for that, LT.

Hope all goes well for you.

Sending hugs if wanted.

Lost

Hope everything went well! Thinking of you.

Thanks for all the wishes! Surgery went well. I thought I was getting general anesthesia, which scared me (would be my first time and I've always had a fear of it). But the anesthesiologist told me I'd be under sedation (propofol) instead, with the site numbed ("[Your surgeon] is excellent at numbing"). Which freaked me out for different reasons: "I'm going to be awake???" They said I wouldn't be very aware and likely would sleep through it.

They were right--I woke up a bit confused in the recovery room. I was told the surgery went well. They also took one lymph node--the one that is first in line from the tumor, or "sentinel," according to a test I'd had the day before where I had radiographic dye injected and she checked which one lit up the most. They'll biopsy that, and if it doesn't show cancer, it's likely none of the other lymph nodes would either (if it does show cancer, I suspect I'll need more surgery).

I'm doing generally OK--some soreness, which is tolerable (I have tramadol prescribed but am trying to avoid it). Wearing a compression bra 24/7 to help and also icing the area some. Now I wait for the pathology report, which can take 1-2 weeks, and will determine my treatment plan.

Congrats, LT That propofol is some good shite, isnt it?! My mom unhooked her binder like the first night, and watched wrestling to recuperate. Hope you get good news on the lynph node.

I’m so glad it went well, LT! Fingers crossed that it doesn’t show cancer!

Thanks, Una! I'm finding the compression bra I'm wearing is helping (I had to supply my own and carry it with me to the operating room). Had more pain after the shower when I took it off, so back to having it on plus some icing.

Thanks, Scarlet! I'll keep you all updated.

Very glad that it sounds like it went well overall. Try not to stress over waiting on the test results. I know, easier said than done.

Thanks, NP! Will do my best...I figure at least I shouldn't expect any over the weekend, so I won't be looking for them then and will try to put them out of my mind (will try to stay occupied with other things at the house).

Even though we were engaged, he broke up with me because his family didn’t approve of my ethnic background when they found out about me.

He went back to his home country and whilst I was waiting for him to come back his family have arranged his wedding for today. Even in 2025 he said he felt he couldn’t say no to them. There’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m feeling very heartbroken.

@ Art I’m sorry I haven’t responded to your message yet.

Lemoncake, thinking of you.

I'm so sorry, Lemon...So they arranged for him to marry someone else, I assume from his culture/religion?

Yes. We have the same religion but I am not from the same country as him. Whilst I was still waiting for him to come back this week on the 8th. His parents arranged it all and pushed everything. He told me that he found out 4 days ago, but didn't tell me sooner as he was unhappy. We were talking at 3.30am-5am today because I couldn't sleep. I found out that the wedding date was today in the morning.

Our religion does give him the choice to choose his partner even if his parents don't agree. He is 33 not 13. He was already financially independent and already living alone in the UK away from them. He told me before that he ran away from them. If I knew what they were planning I wouldn't have let him leave.

I was the crying girl on the London Overground train today and yesterday . As it was London being London nobody said anything which I preferred .

I cried in the park before work too, but my manager noticed. She let me cry in the kitchen until I was ready to come back up. I told him to book a ticket back to England, to me and just leave his family but he didn't chose me. The only people who could have separated us was us.

I honestly never expected my race to be used against me in 2025. I feel like everything that I've ever had has been taken from, me now him. I was actually happy in my bubble having a secret.

I called my old work friend who lives near where I now work and she spent my lunch break with me which I was grateful for. I was also talking to my old best friend too when the old me would just isolate and ignore messages for a month or two.